After caring for several men who left me hurt and disappointed, I came to a pivotal realization: I cannot control who they are but I absolutely control who I become.
This reality became a vision, played out before me clear as day.
I saw myself at a cross roads; an arrow pointing left and an arrow pointing right. To the left was the “me” who continued surviving in my generations dating world; which is truly nothing short of a vicious jungle. I had not only learned how to play the game but how to win. I was no longer the hunted, I was the hunter. (The unspoken rule that permeates this cultures “dating game” is: protect yourself at all costs. Capitalize on the unsaid. Ignore the actual hurts and scars you leave on others along the way. The coldest one wins. DO NOT catch feelings before he does. Never let him know you actually care! That’s practically a death wish…) I was “safe” in the midst of many predators. However, as I looked at that vision of my future self, I saw clearly the price I paid for that “safety”. I no longer resembled even a hint of the woman I once knew. See the problem was that certain beautiful and intimate parts of my nature kept getting me destroyed. Honesty, openness, kindness, selflessness… nowadays these things are not only a liability they are flat out nonexistent! A trade off had to take place in order to survive. And it had…
To the right was the “me” who chose to realize there was something gravely wrong with ME. (Why was I even IN this jungle filled with hyenas who saw me as dinner? They had no idea I was a powerful, beautiful, valuable lioness. How dare they mistreat me so! But wait… how could they know my true identity, if even I didn’t? By being in their territory I became party to their game, thereby devaluing myself. Yet.. I expected to find a lion amongst them?) I gazed at my future self and saw that I chose to protect my values by accepting the responsibility that is rightfully mine to choose better men. I was tougher, stronger and smarter but I was also loving, compassionate, open and warm. I didn’t have to compromise my nature out of sheer survival because my heart was no longer a free-for-all playground for any shmuck who came along. No… there was an admission cost now! If you’d like to enter for free, you can have a nice little seat over there in the friend zone. But for VIP access, you can show me why I should trust you with that gift.
The woman to the right was the woman I admired. So I became her.
This is my charge for the ladies trying to figure out this maze of love: protect yourself but do it the right way. Do not fall victim to the lie that you have no other option then to compromise yourself and your nature. Men have plenty of work to do on themselves as a gender – especially in our generation. But that is not our concern. We are in charge of ourselves and we answer for ourselves. Arrogance is for the weak. Believing all men are douchebags is for the weak. Hardening your heart is for the weak. We are not weak beings. We are lionesses; the embodiment of true femininity. It’s time to remember that.