As I sit to write this blog I am torn between two approaches: factual or personal. Sometimes facts tend to bounce off the brain like oil from water. Yet sincerity easily absorbs. I have chosen the latter.
It breaks my heart to watch people operate from a place of brokenness for a million reasons but mainly because I have been there. Empathy birthed my desire to help people find freedom. I have experienced the nights where your mind leads you down deep dark hallways leading to what resembles the doorway to hell. Conversely, upon choosing to do what it takes to find peace and hope again, I watched that same mind all of the sudden take the form of my best friend! It began working towards my benefit. It picked me up when I was down; it helped me see hope when I had none; it allowed me to take control back. After being my worst enemy it became my biggest asset. I witnessed the undeniable power of my mind. We all have one and whether we realize it or not we harness that power daily and use it to either our benefit or our detriment. The key comes in deciding which you want. I don’t know about you but I am far to much of a control freak to allow this train to run on autopilot. Oh no no buddy. You are going where I tell you and on my terms. So I analyzed what exactly occurred that rerouted my mental train from the path to destruction to the path of success. It all started with honesty…
Lets start with acknowledging that we all have inner liars. If you have trouble identifying yours ask yourself why you didn’t get up on time today? Why you haven’t lost those last 25 pounds? Or why you haven’t had sex with your husband in 3 weeks? Listen to your answers. That’s her. We are fiercely loyal to that pretty little liar and we cannot manage her until we realize her purpose.
A few psychological theories of human nature prove insightful:
Denial: Refusing to accept something is true even though it is.
Rationalization: Creating a reason to excuse ourselves.
Projection: Taking an undesirable aspect of ourselves and ascribing it to someone else.
Cognitive Polarization: Thinking in extremes.
Emotional Reasoning: Thinking that our feelings accurately reflect reality.
Over Generalization: Taking a single negative event as an infinite spiral of defeat.
We all form the propensity towards one or all of the above in our formative years based on personal experience. As children we are not capable of coping with certain things so we develop self deceptions to protect ourselves. When these habits carry over into adulthood they perpetuate the subconscious self belief that we are still not strong enough to handle the truth.
Why can’t we continue living happily being pretty little liars? Because self deception creates a fear of change so as not to threaten what our subconscious mind perceives as survival. It required constant maintenance.
People wonder why they cant seem to change a specific issue or why they keep running into the same problem over and over again. Never realizing the issue they think they are working on hasn’t even been touched yet. Most of the time our self deceptions are far more obvious to others than to ourselves. I cant stand when I see people lie to themselves because within a split second I see the domino effect that lie has already had on their life choices, self beliefs, feelings, thoughts, etc. I usually slam the breaks, stop the conversation and force them to go back and be honest. What is the point of continuing the conversation anyway? Whatever is being said, if based on a lie, is not reality. So unless we want to chat about the weather, I see no purpose in talking about something that actually doesn’t exist. The fact that people are unaware of the lies they accept as truth means they have no idea of the subsequent effects. Self deception creates millions of tiny toxic threads that become woven into every part of our identity. This is why you you feel fractured.
One of the most powerful tools I develop in my clients is the ability to be honest. Its a muscle. The more you work it the stronger it gets. Its the first step in taking responsibility for yourself. From there you are capable of making lasting and positive change. You deserve a life based in truth. You deserve a joy that transcends the pains of this life. You deserve to know you are strong enough to be who you were born to be.